


Battle Bob

by ThatFrothingSpy



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Battle Bob, Engie looks like a pretty lady, Engie pushes it a bit too far XD, Gen, Humor, chubby engie, they make fun of his belleh, they're all living together, wig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 09:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20061424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatFrothingSpy/pseuds/ThatFrothingSpy
Summary: Soldier gets a Battle Bob in the mail. Things take a turn for the silly side when Engie gets his hands on it.





	Battle Bob

The four men in this house were doing their own thing. The Caucasian man was at the kitchen table, playing a video game with far away friends. The Aussie was watching the TV with his friend, the Frenchman. Lastly, the Texan was in a recliner in the corner of the living room, wasting time by looking at his pretty face in a handheld mirror while making a duck face and softly grazing his fingertips over his fuzzy, peachy cheeks.

A knock at the door disturbed the individual peace. It was the Soldier who reacted first. The shirtless man dropped his headphones and rushed to the door with a big grin. A Bostonian FedEx boy had a crate and key for him! The Patriotic man laughed as he threw the door closed on to the poor Scout's face. Soldier hefted the crate onto the middle of the room.

The other three men looked at their friend with looks of amazement on their face. "Ah wonder what it's gonna be!" Engie said. The Soldier would definitely let him know when he used his key then. The man dropped the lock, unwrapped the chains, and then peeked in the box. He received a Battle Bob! Soldier laughed loudly, it sounded almost maniacal. He fumbled to put it on his head. "How do I look?" Soldier asked his small team of friends.

"Funny," Sniper said.

"Mon Dieu, you look like a rock singer." Spy replied.

Solly laughed again. He threw up mosh hands and head banged a few times before the hat flew off his head and onto the carpet. Engie found this opportunity to race to the hat before Solly did, as Engie swiped up the wig and made Solly lie there on the floor. He put it on, and moved the long bangs out of the way of his big, beautiful blue eyes.

"How do AH look?"

Sniper laughed. "Yew look like woman in her early stages of pregnancy, mate!" 

In fact, he did. He had a little bit of a belly going on, his hips wide and looking ready to birth. His butt was a bit perky in his pants. He was a bit surprised that he found those similarities. His mouth open a little he looked at his friend on the floor, who was still rubbing his head from the crash.

"Ah do, don't ah Solleh??" He asked with a bit of loveliness in his eyes and a hand on his chubby belly. The Soldier cringed and blushed madly. "NO! YOU LOOK GODDAMN RIDICULOUS! GIMME MY HAT!" he shouted.

"Ah'm a bit old to be carryin' a baby huh..."

"Yeah, too old. Can I have-"

"Man aged 48, and carrying child! Ah see it in th' news already!"

"CAN I PLEASE-"

"Imagine how much money we could get from being on TV, Solleh! We could go to the beach!"

"Or you could give me that-"

"Ah could be famous on th' social medias! Oh Ah'm so happeh, boi!"

Soldier had just about enough of his friends on the couch just sitting there laughing and not helping him what-so-fucking-ever. The Caucasian man jumped at his fat friend like a spider and roared a little before missing him by a mile and landing on the floor again.

Engie had a brilliant idea to swipe a curtain off its rod, wrap it around his body and tucking it in at his armpit, really making him look like a very pretty woman. He stood up on his recliner gracefully and began his motherly prose,

"Oh, she's so beautiful. She's so purdy, in her long, flowin' maternity dress, *places his hands on his thick thighs* how the dark red fabric gently sways in the wind. She places her hands on her glowin' womb and sighs peacefully...*sigh...* The child is showing a lil bit, but that does not damper her beautiful body... By only three months has she been carryin' her baby. She stands atop a hill and looks out into th' grassy knoll... Understandin' is what she's doin'. Her baby will lead her in the dark *places a hand behind neck* when it's pitch black, and there's nobody around, all because she's glowin'! *gestures hands around belly* As her baby can hear his mother and only his mother at this time, she makes every moment with her child in utero special. She will sing, to her beloved child- *clears throat*

Ah feel pretty...

Oh so pretty...

Ah feel pretty, and witty and briiiii-"

"**AAAAAAAAACK**! GIMME THAT goddamn-"

Just then the poor Texan's "dress" was forcefully taken off, and the Soldier had redeemed his Battle Bob back. Engie looked over to his other two friends on the couch. Both of them had faces red with wheezing laughter, the Frenchman was clapping and tears streaming down the Aussie's face. They both thought the performance was well done.

Engie just simply took a bow.


End file.
